B&Q Job Application

I am sure that working in HR you have read many a strange and funny application, This is allegedly an actual job application that a 75 year old pensioner submitted to B&Q in Tunbridge Wells . They hired him because he was so funny.....

NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Bugger)
SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will co-operate) DESIRED POSITION: Company's Chief Executive or Managing Director. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying in the first place - would I?
DESIRED SALARY: £150,000 a year plus share options and a Tony Blair style redundancy package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It was a crap job.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs?: Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Reader's Digest Timeshare Free Holiday Offer, so they tell me.
DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no! On my breaks - yes!
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy Swedish supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
NEAREST RELATIVE....7 miles
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely.

We know this has been doing the rounds for years but it is a classic! What is the funniest thing you’ve ever read on an application form? Please do share it with us.

Work Place Bullying: Are you a victim?

What do you think when Sir Alan Sugar makes a derogatory remark towards a potential Apprentice? When Simon Cowell cuts Louis Walsh and his Acts to ribbons on the X-Factor how do you react? Depending on your view of the high waisted trouser wearer it is normally with a rye smile or a boo. Yet in another work place Cowell’s remarks could be seen as bullying behavior.

The government defines work place bullying as follows: "Bullying includes abuse, physical or verbal violence, humiliation and undermining someone’s confidence." You are probably being bullied if, for example, you’re:

constantly picked on
humiliated in front of colleagues
regularly unfairly treated
physically or verbally abused
blamed for problems caused by others
always given too much to do, so that you regularly fail in your work
regularly threatened with the sack
unfairly passed over for promotion or denied training opportunities
Bullying can be face-to-face, in writing, over the phone or by fax or email.

Well Mr Cowells treatment of Louis Walsh scores on point 1,2,3 and 4. Okay it’s all in the name of entertainment but workers across the UK suffer from bullying in all its horrid forms.

A UNISON survey estimated that up to 5 million people are bullied at work in the UK. The net result of this is 18.9 million work days lost to the distress and pain caused.

The Andrea Adams Trust is the world's only non-political, non-profit making charity operating as the focus for the diverse and complex problems caused by bullying behaviour in the workplace. They offer this advice to anyone who thinks they are being bullied:

- Find out if your employer has a policy and procedures on harassment and bullying and obtain a copy
- Stand calm and firm and do not allow yourself to be a target
- Do not become isolated, seek immediate support and advice
- Keep a record of all incidents which cause you distress or are undermining – log dates and details and write down your feelings after each such occurrence together with your own response - Try to get witnesses to bullying incidents by avoiding situations where you are alone with the bully
- Do not take action alone. Make an appointment with your company harassment advisor and seek their guidance and support
- Talk to colleagues and see if they are experiencing the same treatment as you.
- Follow the company grievance procedures with the help and support of your Harassment Advisor, Personnel or Union officers
- Keep your complaint as objective as possible so that you can’t be accused of filing the complaint out of malice or ambition
- Make an appointment with your doctor and tell them what is happening to you at work. Follow medical instructions and get signed off if necessary
- If counselling is available at work make an early appointment to talk through your experience
- Talk to friends and family for emotional support

2008: HR's 'Most Influential

Now in its third year, HR's Most Influential ranking has been created using a new methodology. The ranking was unveiled on the 3rd June at an event based at London’s Claridge’s. For full details on the report and to see who has been voted the most influential and why, visit Human Resources website.

HR Assistant: Fashion Jewellery Retailer - Job of Week

DCK Concessions is a worldwide leading fashion jewellery retailer, trading across 22 countries from Iceland to Canada with one of the largest design, sourcing and buying teams for fashion jewellery. Due to expansion, they are currently looking for a HR Assistant to join the team:

• Support the HR team in all aspects of recruitment and retention as well as in the provision of the induction, pay review and probationary review processes
• Assist in the provision of appropriate advice and support to managers on employee issues
• Undertake a variety of HR administration duties, including creation of contractual documents, company car fleet and company benefits such as Private Healthcare

To be successful as their HR Assistant you will ideally be studying towards or want to commence CIPD studies and have previous experience gained in a busy generalist HR environment. You should also have excellent communication and interpersonal skills at all levels, be highly organised and have the ability to work on your own initiative.

In return, they offer you:
• A competitive salary • Private health care • Personal pension • Discount card for key high street brands • DCK Concessions can offer you the opportunity to join a successful and developing business situated in modern offices within walking distance of rail links and with free parking.

DCK Concessions lead the way in directional jewellery as well as essentials and younger novelty items. They continuously strive to remain ahead of their competitors and always offer their customers fashion forward products and excellent value.

Apply here for the HR Assistant Role / £17 - £20k + benefits / Essex

Lucky Pants and All Sorts!

Who ever thought we’d get to the stage where we were quizzing people on their underwear?! Yet here we are at this prestigious point. Actually, these particular undie enquiries are linked to a survey, conducted by law firm Peninsula, about the superstitious habits of job candidates. Apparently 60% of job searchers said that they had lucky underwear, which they will wear to interview and 84% said that this extended to other items of clothing, i.e. lucky shoes.

There were a number of other items that job seekers insist on carrying with them for good luck including key rings, jewelry, four-leaf clovers and so on. All in all it looks like British candidates are a rather superstitious bunch when it comes to career moves. Others admitted to things they had to do before an interview and 70% said that they checked their horoscopes.

But is this all just a little bit of fun, a quaint eccentric tick? Could it be that these little superstitions may actually be keeping us from the job we’re applying for? Peter Done, the managing director of Peninsula said that he was “amazed at how superstitious people are; one employee we spoke to took wearing lucky underwear to the extreme claiming his briefs are so lucky that he refuses to wash them.”

He claimed that people who checked their horoscopes before an interview needed “a reality check. Your star sign is not going to determine how you perform [.]” But could missing some aspect of these routines actually hinder our performance? Who knows, as for me, I’ll stick with listening to the ‘power tracks’ on my MP3, thank you very much.

Do you have any interesting routines before an interview? How about lucky pants?!?

INTERVIEW SPOT: Zoe Walters, HR Manager, Norwegian Cruise Line (NCL)

- You are currently Head of HR for NCL: tell me a little more about your role, how long you have been there and how you got the job

I came to NCL in May 2005 as interim HR Manager for maternity cover, taking over responsibility for the HR function in UK and the other European office in terms HR support. My role is pretty diverse, I get involved in the sexy stuff such as employee engagement through initiative programs, making NCL a compelling place to work, developing training opportunities and working with key stakeholders such as the senior management team to recommend and suggest strategy in meeting business objectives. A run of the mill day can be anything from recruitment, job offers to legal matters, policy drafting, performance management and blue sky meetings!

- What are your previous jobs?

I am from a leisure background predominately although I have IT sector as well. I have worked on cruise ships which is where my love affair with cruising first started! There are a few other jobs to mention but mainly around HR , Recruitment and Fleet/Shipboard personnel.

- What attracted you to this company in particular?

Believe it or not I used to cruise with NCL and I always remembered they never forgot the little things... like having duvets on their ships rather than sheets and blankets (we are talking a few years ago now!), they had a good reputation for quality and being a brand snob that I can be, I am naturally attracted to successful businesses!

- What are the characteristics and skills you have that you believe are particularly suited to what you do?

Tough question! Any HR professional needs to demonstrate patience and empathy at times, people are the most difficult entity to manage and can be massively rewarding. Each individual has to be communicated to in what can be very different ways in order to achieve a positive outcome. I hope I am a good leader as well as a Manager, I hope to inspire others to become what they desire to be and give them confidence to do better in life if they aspire to do so. I am naturally someone who can relate to many walks of life and can bring a lot of past experience into my role which better equips me to provide solutions and advice. The other side of the coin is having commercial acumen, basing decisions on logic, business demand and not being afraid to change your business needs and review this constantly. I believe I am commercially aware of what NCLs business needs are and endeavor to continue to support the strategic goals.

- Greatest challenge: Getting people to view things from my eyes! Art of persuasion is never easy!

- Favorite aspect of your work? It is very rewarding to see people succeed to their goals, in each individual there is a journey and I hope that I have been an inspiration to some to pursue their passions. I am enthusiastic in making sure that we have the right people in the right job.

- What would you say is the most difficult thing about your job?

HR is difficult full stop! It takes patience at times when you feel you have none, you really do have to want to do HR to stay in it for the long term.... I feel HR does an injustice if someone is advised incorrectly as they are seen as ambassadors to bring fairness to the work place.

- What would you do, as a career, if you weren’t working in HR?

Another tough question! Interior design, travel writing or something where I can put my creativity to good use!

- Any recommendations for job-seekers looking at a career in HR and/or the Travel industry?

Be passionate about what you want to do, if you are passionate and are prepared to work at it, it can be incredibly rewarding. The travel sector is such a sexy niche to work in and something that every one of us can have in common as we all love to travel whether for business or pleasure. Always such a good talking point for any one!

- What was your new year’s resolution and have you stuck to it?

I decided I would go away one weekend every month. Despite being career driven it's time I took time out to go and visit people and places I desire. So far I have been skiing twice, Italy twice and next up is Italy, Miami, St Louis and Bermuda - all before July! I am on goal to achieve as I mapped out my travel plans and booked them in advance!

- Ultimate ambition outside of work:

I am ambitious about life and being happy........... ultimate goal is to be true to myself and follow my dreams and desires... I want to buy land, design and build a house for me to live in before I am 40.....

- Favourite tipple? Champers and Vino - yummy!

Featured Job - HR Manager

HR Manager - Berkshire - £35K - £45K

This is a newly created role to implement a strong and effective HR service for our staff team of approximately 150 people.

Kingwood supports adults with autistic spectrum disorder to enable individuals to participate in society through a lifestyle based on personal choice. Support staff work across a number of areas, mainly in Berkshire and Oxfordshire, offering working alone or in small teams in individual homes.

The post holder will work closely with the Chief Executive, Director of Services and area managers to develop and implement effective HR practice, policy and procedures to support the development of a professional, stable and effective people resource which will enable Kingwood to deliver the services required by individuals with autism in our areas of operation. Recruitment and retention are high priorities.

To view the full job description and to apply online please click here.